Logan's Birth Story

Logan's birth story begins, for us, two days before labor began.  It was a Sunday, July 26th, and I was getting antsy for labor to begin.  Mark knew this, so he suggested we head to the mall to walk in the air conditioning and take Lilly to the Children's Museum there.  We did a few laps, and found a new store, Bounce Around, so we went in to check it out.  It was a huge store filled with bounce houses!  For $5, Lilly could bounce as much as she wanted; she was in heaven, and we walked around to all the different bouncy houses with her and she had a blast.  That night, after dinner and bedtime, Mark and I started watching the rest of Grace and Frankie on Netflix.  As our episode was ending, Lilly woke up screaming and sobbing, and only wanted me to console her.  We ended up snuggling in our bed, and when she finally fell asleep, I put her back in her room.  I was exhausted, and I had to work the next day, so I went to bed around 11.  I didn't sleep well that night, tossing and turning, waking up to Mark snoring several times, plus needing to pee.

Around 5:45 AM, I got up to pee, and as I was getting comfortable in bed again, I thought I felt a contraction (nothing out of the ordinary) and then a faint pop, but I just brushed it off as my imagination.  I lay there for a while, wondering how my weekly appointment was going to go that afternoon.  At about 6, Lilly woke up screaming again, so I got up to get her, and as I was walking towards the door, I felt an all too familiar gush, and I knew I hadn't imagined that pop - my water had broken!  I woke Mark up and headed to the bathroom.  Lilly was still crying for me; Mark was rushing around for towels and things I needed, and I was trying to call Nana.  Lilly was going to spend the labor with Nana and Auntie JoJo.  I texted Nicki, our doula, and called my boss, and waited for contractions to begin.  I was only giving my body an hour to get them going before I took matters into my own hands.  Luckily, within a half hour, they started.

I puttered around the house, mentally checking off the last minute things that needed to be done, finishing the packing of bags, showering, eating a small breakfast, and getting ready to welcome our baby.  Nana and Auntie JoJo got to the house and my contractions were roughly 5 minutes apart, but not strong enough that I had to stop what I was doing.  We packed Lilly into the car, and I cried hard at having to say goodbye to my baby, my only baby, for a few days.  We went inside and I got in the tub.  Around noon, I called the midwives to let them know I was in labor, and talked to Amy, who said she'd check in again in a few hours.  Then we talked to Nicki, who said the same thing. We tried to relax while we watched Grace and Frankie (the finale!) before napping.  After about an hour nap, my contractions had slowed down, so we needed to get moving.  We got up and headed to the store to get some snacks and lunch.  My contractions started picking back up again, and after lunch, around 3, we went for a walk.  By the time we got home, it was 4ish, and I settled in on the yoga ball, and that's when things started to get a little more intense.  For about two hours, I alternated between the shower and the ball, unable to talk through the contractions.  They weren't getting any closer together either.  At 6, Amy called again, and gently suggested to Mark that we consider heading into the hospital at some point in the near future since I had been ruptured for 12 hours.  I asked Nicki to come over, and she arrived at 6:30, and we checked my temp, which was 100.1, a little concerning, but not considered a fever, yet.  We tried another shower, and the breast pump.  Around 8, we decided it was best to head to the hospital, because my temp was creeping up, 100.7 then, and we didn't want me to get an infection and risk another NICU stay.  

When we got there, they were waiting for us, and took me right to a room.  I was checked, and was 5 cm dilated, but baby was still pretty high at -3 station.  After the initial 30 minute strip on the monitor, I was able to get up and move around, so we got in the shower again, since that's where the contractions were the most regular.  I had to be on the monitor for 20 minutes every hour, so after the shower, we went back on the monitor, and tried using the peanut ball.  The goal was to get baby to come down more and put more pressure on my cervix so I could dilate and efface quicker.  We tried walking, lunges, and then more monitoring.  Then we tried the breast pump.  My contractions were not getting into a regular pattern on their own and since I was approaching the 18 hour mark, we needed to start pitocin and antibiotics.  I was devastated.  I knew what that meant, and started sobbing.  Nicki, Mark and Amy all tried to calm me down, and it helped a little, knowing I had amazing advocates working for me to be able to have the labor I still wanted, despite needing the pitocin.  We had wonderful nurses, who tried everything to make sure I could labor in the positions I wanted while still keeping baby on the monitor.  

Around 2 AM, I was checked again and was 7 cm, fully effaced, but baby was still very high.  I just didn't think I could do it anymore, and I asked for some pain relief.  I had a dose of fentanyl, which I could get once per hour.  After 20 minutes of rest, the relief wore off, and I was sobbing again, begging for the epidural.  They asked a few times if I was sure, and I said yes.  First though, I had to have a little more than a bag of fluids, which took over one agonizing hour.  I got another dose of fentanyl at 3, and by 3:30, the epidural had been placed.  I was FINALLY able to relax completely.  Mark and Nicki got some rest too, and Amy and the nurse stayed in the room for a while, because I started having some drops in my blood pressure.  I got another injection of something for my blood pressure, and then needed oxygen, but I was so out of it, I have no idea what was going on.  Around 6 AM, I woke and we tried the peanut ball again and I got another dose of antibiotics.  Amy was in constant contact with the OB from her practice, who was super supportive in letting me continue to labor as long as there was no sign of infection and baby was tolerating everything well.  

We kept switching sides with the peanut ball, alternating between laying on my sides, and sitting upright.  My contractions seemed to be the most regular and intense on my sides, but baby was not moving down, which was concerning Amy.  They were already pretty worried about how big the baby was - Isabelle had estimated 9 lbs at my last visit.  I started feeling the urge to push around 10 AM, but since I couldn't tell them it was an "intense" urge and I was 9.5 cm, they wanted me to let baby labor down for a while.  Around 10:30, they flipped me over onto my hands and knees to help baby descend more, and during that half hour or so, I almost gave up.  I cried and cried, and I just wanted to tell them to schedule a c-section.  At 11, I was flipped to my side with the peanut ball again, and then flipped again at 11:30.  Mark went to get some food, and I asked Nicki about getting a booster of the epidural because I could tell it was wearing off.  She said she was worried I wouldn't be able to push effectively with the booster, and I agreed, so I didn't get one - but I did break down sobbing around noon, and told her and Mark that I was done.  I just wanted to push, it hurt too much trying not to push and I wanted this baby out.  We called the nurse and Amy, and after a check (I was 10 cm) they said ok, and FINALLY I got to start pushing.  Amy kept checking to make sure I was moving the baby well, because she didn't want me to wear myself out, and she was very happy with how well the baby moved, so we kept pushing, and trying different positions to push in.  

After about an hour, we started to see the top of baby's head - full of hair!  That was all the motivation I needed.  We had techs and nurses coming in, setting up, breaking down the bed for delivery, and I was just focused on seeing more of that head emerge.  It was the most amazing experience.  More nurses appeared.  Since they were concerned with the potential for shoulder dystocia, they needed a full team.  Baby's head was almost out - for 3 agonizing contractions (or 9 pushes) it was crowning.  Finally, the head was out!  And what a huge head it was!  Then the shoulders, and just when I thought it was over, the belly, of all things, got stuck.  Amy and the nurses were yelling at me for one more push, and I was laying back, thinking "nope, I'm done, thank you".  Somehow, I gathered my strength, gave one final, long push, and the whole body emerged.  Amy held him up to me, and I cried as I announced to the room "IT'S A BOY!!!!" 

Logan Alexander Tucci entered the world at 1:42 PM, on his due date, after 32 long, hard hours of labor, and he was perfect.  They placed him on my chest, and everything except Mark and our son faded away.  He was here, and he was healthy, and my heart was bursting with love.  

Our NICU Story: Home

Lilly turned one week old on April 11th, and we celebrated with amazing news - Lilly was going to be discharged the next day.  The doctors had done some blood work that day and it looked great, so she just had to finish up her last antibiotic treatment on Friday around 2 in the morning, and we'd get to bring her home!  We were so excited!

I had been so bummed because I was really looking forward to having her pictures taken by Bella Baby, and thought that because she was in the NICU she wouldn't get the chance.  They came around on Thursday and asked if we were interested, and of course I said yes!  We set up the time for them to come by the next morning.

I could hardly sleep that night.  We were finally going to be home, all under one roof!  I couldn't wait.  I was a little upset because Mark had taken off work the entire week, assuming that we would be home with Lilly, but she spent it in the NICU instead.  I was really sad because he wouldn't get to spend that time with her.  I was a little nervous too, but my mom was going to come up the week Mark went back to work, then the next week my dad was going to come up for a few days as well.

So excited to bring our baby girl home!

The morning of April 12th, we woke up early, showered and got ready, and went to the hospital to bring our baby girl home.  We spent some time with our favorite nurse, going over all the discharge paperwork, the 'How to Care for Your Newborn' book they give all parents, and basically asking any last minute questions we could think of.  How do you heat up breast milk?!  How do we use a bulb syringe?!  You're really just going to send us home with her - no instruction manual?  And we have to keep her alive?  It was finally hitting me... holy shit.  We were responsible for this tiny human.

We tried taking some pictures with the Bella Baby people, but it was basically a shit show.  Lilly cried for almost all the pictures.  She was either wet, dirty, hungry, cold, or tired... or all of the above at once.  It was a disaster.  I think when I got the proofs, there were 11 total pictures.  I was upset, but I knew I'd rather have someone come to the house to take the pictures anyway.

All snuggled up ready to go home!

We started packing up all of Lilly's things.  It's amazing how much you can accumulate in 8 days!  After we got everything packed up, Mark went to get the car.  I asked Christa one last time for some help getting Lilly into her car seat (are you sure you want to send her home with me?) and before I knew it, we were wheeling her out of the hospital and putting her into the car.  I sat in the backseat and said a silent thank you that we'd had enough foresight to pick the house so close to the hospital.  I knew Mark would be driving about 5 MPH on the way home.

Cuddled in her swing

Lilly had fallen asleep on the very brief ride home, and we brought her in and immediately looked at each other and thought "WTF do we do now?!".  First on the agenda was to put our little angel in her swing.  Second was to get some food.  Mark ran to Five Guys because I now had the appetite of an NFL lineman - thanks breastfeeding!  When he got home, we sat together and ate our first meal as a family of three.  We spent the next 72 hours falling completely and totally in love with this wonderful tiny human.  It was amazing.

Our NICU Story: Days 1-8

Where were we... oh yes.  I was hoping that after being evaluated by the NICU doctors and nurses that everything would settle down and we'd get Lilly in my room.  When we went to see her on my way down to recovery, she was having her first bath.  Another piece of my heart was ripped away.  She was screaming the entire (minutes long) visit.  We left to go to my room and settle in for some food - my first meal in over a day.  I ate what I could, and tried to keep from crying.  My family stayed for a bit, and then left.  Mark and I headed to the NICU to spend some time with our baby girl.  I got to feed her for the first time and finally have some skin-to-skin cuddles.  Stefanie, the first nurse we met, explained all the monitors, tests, etc.  The doctor and nurses said that sometimes the stress of a long labor and quick delivery can cause issues.  They also explained that it could be an infection due to my water being broken so long before she was born.  They did some blood work and some cultures, and we would probably know the results the next day.

Delirious with lack of sleep, but so happy to FINALLY hold my baby girl.

We stayed with her in the NICU until around 10 PM, then headed back to my room to try to get some rest.  The nurses were going to call me when she woke so I could come feed her.  The first 24 hours after she was born is basically a blur to me.  I don't really remember much except sitting in the NICU with Lilly curled up on me (and fighting Mark over who got to hold her).  My nurses and the OB/GYN on call had to keep coming to the NICU to find me to check on me.  We had some visitors the next day, my family and some of Mark's.  We could only have two people at a time in to see her.

I was going to be discharged on Saturday, and we were waiting for the results of her culture and blood work to see if she could come home with us.  We woke up Saturday morning excited, and while the culture was negative, her white blood cell count and some other things were still elevated, all signs pointing to an infection.  She had to have more antibiotics and more blood work.  Although I was discharged, we could stay in the room until 11:30 PM.  We left around 9, went to Target for some girl outfits and pink blankets and bows, and hoped that Lilly would be coming home on Sunday.  When we went in on Sunday morning, hoping for good news, we were disappointed.  She definitely had an infection and needed a full 7 day course of antibiotics.  My heart was broken, and I sat there and cried.  Luckily, she had already had two days, so we could bring her home on Friday if everything went well.

Hoping to bring her home, but settled for snuggles

That week was so rough.  Our next five days were spent planning everything in 2-3 hour chunks of time.  At first, I was having the nurses call me at night when Lilly woke up and we would rush off to feed her.  Once my milk came in, I was pumping and eventually made the very difficult decision to let the nurses give her bottles of pumped milk at night so we could actually get some sleep.  We are so very lucky that we live so close to the hospital.  We could be up and out the door and in the NICU within 5-8 minutes.

Kisses from mommy

Lilly had two different kinds of antibiotics that week.  We also had to monitor her blood sugar levels for a few days to make sure she was getting enough food.  She was jaundiced as well, and that took a while to clear up - she was close to having to spend some time under the lights.  Normally, babies lose about 10% of their birth weight, but then regain it within 7-10 days.  When you're in the NICU, they monitor things so much more closely.  We had to weigh her once a day.  Sometimes before and after a feed.  We had to save diapers and weigh them also to make sure she was getting enough to eat.

I know some people will think, "Well she only spent 8 days in the NICU - there are some babies that spend months there.  What's the big deal?  It was just a little infection, nothing serious."  My response is that she was septic.  That IS a big deal.  Sepsis is a leading cause of infant death.  That is scary.  My entire world was laying in the NICU, and I was devastated that there was nothing I could do for her except watch while she was poked and prodded.  One day, our favorite nurse Christa called and said they needed to place a new IV.  She said it shouldn't take too long, about 15-20 minutes, and she'd call when they were done so we could come feed her.  We had been napping and decided to take advantage of our extra time.  When I woke up an hour later to no phone call, I was worried.  Christa called again and said they were having some trouble placing the IV.  It took over an hour and a half (and several nurses), and she ended up with her entire hand bandaged up in what we affectionately called her boxing glove to keep the IV in.  Seeing her little hand restrained broke my heart all over again. 

Lilly's boxing glove

I'm so grateful for my family.  They were so supportive the entire week.  My mom kept Dash because he was so confused about why we kept coming and going so often.  My husband deserves so much credit for keeping me sane during those 8 days.  He drove me back and forth to the hospital since I couldn't drive.  He comforted me when I cried - even when I cried over the dumbest things.  He made me eat and drink and shower and sleep.  I would have sat in a chair by her bassinet in the NICU for 8 straight days if not for him. 

My wonderful husband

We are both so eternally grateful for the staff at the hospital as well.  The nurses there are a special kind of amazing.  They are patient and loving and kind and there are not enough words in the world to express how thankful I am for everything they did for me and my family.

On Lilly's one week birthday, we got some GREAT news!  We could finally bring our baby home... 

Our NICU Story: Birth

I've been thinking about this post for a long time.  I wanted to share our experience after Lilly was born.  Some of you may know that we didn't get to bring her home right away.  She was born on April 4th, but came home on April 12th.

When my water broke, I had no idea what was in store for us.  I called the doctor's office to let them know, and was told to come in to the hospital as soon as I could.  Right away, I was upset.  Mark wouldn't be home from work for at least an hour, so I told them I was staying put until my husband got home.  I also had wanted to labor at home as long as possible, and that option just went out the window.  I knew when my water broke that there was a good chance we weren't going to have the birth experience I had dreamed of.  And we didn't.  But it's ok.  I read something not long ago that really made me feel better about my birth experience - every baby is born just the way they need to be born.  And for Lilly, it meant me being hooked up to monitors, laying in one position, not having the natural, drug free labor I envisioned.  It's a good thing I caved (I did make it 17 hours drug-free, and 19 hours before I asked for an epidural though - I have to brag on that at least).  If I hadn't, I think it would have taken me a lot longer to progress, and who knows what state Lilly would have been in at that point.

When Lilly was born, she scored a 1 on the APGAR test.  The cord was wrapped around her neck, loosely though.  Mark cut the cord before she was completely out.  They placed her on my chest and very quickly took her away.  My brother said he had heard the doctor say "It's a girl!", but my sister said she didn't hear her crying.  She did hear them paging for more nurses and then NICU nurses/doctors.  I didn't hear anything - I was worried about my baby, and also trying to ignore what my doctor was doing to me.

After what seemed like an eternity, they placed my little girl in my arms.  The NICU doctor came over and explained what was going on.  Her heart rate was elevated and her breathing was very rapid.  They had given her oxygen but they wanted to take her down to examine her.  I was heartbroken.  No skin to skin, no immediate breast-feeding.  No pictures of us as a family.  No meeting Nana and Papa and Aunties and Uncle.  I felt like I had been robbed.  My family came in for a short period while I held her, but it was less than 5 minutes and she was gone.  Mark went down with her and took pictures of her being weighed and measured, and then had to decide who needed him more.  Since I'd had the epidural, I couldn't go down to recovery with her.  We went down probably close to two hours after Lilly was born.  Honestly, I can't remember all the details after she went down to the NICU.  It's kind of a blur.  I had been awake for 36 hours and I was exhausted.  I really hoped everything was just a false alarm and we'd have her in my room that night.

Basically, I wasn't prepared at all for the next eight days.

Lillian's Birth Story

40 Weeks, 4 Days: Heading to the hospital!

I've been thinking about this post for the past week and a half, and just haven't really had a chance to sit down and write it all out.  Lillian is 2 weeks old now, but we have only had her home for one week.  Here is her birth story.

I went in for my 40 week check up on 4/1.  My doctor had been talking induction the week of April 1st if we hadn't had a baby by then, and I wasn't very happy about it.  Since there was no change from the last 4 appointments, we were definitely going to have to be induced by Sunday the 7th.  Mark and I went back and forth about what day we wanted the induction - unfortunately, there were no openings on either of the days we wanted.  We either had to wait until the 7th, or be induced on the evening of the 4th and deliver without Dr. Embry.  I decided I wanted to get it over with, so we picked the 4th.  

I started work on 4/3, knowing it was my last day before starting my leave, and I was anxious.  We had to be at the hospital at 5 PM on the 4th, so we planned on cleaning, doing some laundry, and just relaxing on our last night/day at home.  Around 12:45 PM on the 3rd, I felt like I was leaking, and I wondered if my water had broken.  I wasn't sure, so naturally, I googled it to find out what it felt like.  At that point, I decided it was just normal discharge (gross, I know) and went back to work.  I kept feeling like I was leaking, so I kept running back and forth to the bathroom and a little before 1, I called Mark and told him I wasn't sure, but I thought my water had broken.  He told me to call the dr. because they could check for sure.  I went to the bathroom and was calling the dr. when I stood up to pull up my pants and my water broke all over the bathroom floor!  I hung up and called Mark back immediately and told him it was baby time!!!  He was in a daze, and asked if I wanted him to come home now, or wait until he got off work!  I yelled "Of course you need to come home now!!!"  I called work, my mom, the doctor, and texted my brother and sisters (my dad was still working, so my mom called him).  Dr. Embry wanted me to come in as soon as Mark got home, so I finished packing our bags and started to make cookies for the nurses.  

We got to the hospital around 3 PM and I was admitted and put on the monitor.  I was still only 1 cm dilated, so we started walking as soon as I could get off the monitor.  I wanted to be mobile for the delivery, and free to move, sit, bounce, do whatever.  Around 6, the nurses checked me again, and there was still no change.  Dr. Embry said I could walk until 8 PM, and if I was still only 1 cm, they were going to start Pitocin to get things moving.  She was concerned about infection since my water broke but I wasn't progressing.  Usually they like a baby within 24 hours of your water breaking.  I had until 1 PM to get that baby out or we would start discussing c-sections. 

At 8 PM, there was still no change, so I was put on Pitocin.  No more walking around for me.  I needed to be on the monitor continually.  I could sit/stand next to the bed, or be on the ball, but I had to be hooked up.  The nurses really tried their best to find baby on the monitor in those positions, but our baby was stubborn, and would only cooperate when I was in one position on the bed.  If I moved, she disappeared from the monitor and the nurses would come in again and spend a half hour trying to get me in a good position to monitor her.  Those were the longest hours of my life.  I wasn't opposed to getting pain medicine or an epidural, but I really wanted to try going natural, and laying still in one position was not going to be the best way to do that.  Around 6 AM, I caved and asked for the pain medicine.  I could get it once an hour.  It lasted for 45 minutes.  At 6:45, I was begging for another shot.  The day nurses came in around 7:15 with my 2nd dose and asked how I felt about an epidural.  At that point I was all for it.  I was only 3 cm dilated and couldn't move to alleviate the pain, so at 8 AM, the anesthesiologist came in and gave me the epidural.  It felt great and worked like a charm.  

A little before 10 AM, Dr. Embry came in to check me, and I was only 4 cm.  She thought it could possibly be another 8 hours or so and decided to talk again around 6 PM if there was still no baby.  At this point, the nurses were checking my temperature every 1-2 hours since they were concerned with infection.  They came in around 11 to check on me and I told them that I kept feeling like I had to pee, even though I had a catheter in (for the epidural).  They made everyone get out of the room so they could check me, and I was shocked when they said I had gone from 4 cm to 9 cm in an hour!!  I did a few practice pushes, and then we let the baby descend on her own for about a half an hour.  At noon, they checked me again and I was 10 cm... it was time to start pushing!! 

The nurses paged my doctor and while they got everything set up, I pushed and pushed.  Around 12:30, the nurses were paging Dr. Embry repeatedly, and I knew we were close to having a baby!  Dr. Embry made it just in time... a few more pushes, and Lilly's head was out!  The cord was wrapped around her neck, and Dr. Embry tried to slip it over her head, but it was just a little too short, so Mark cut the cord then, and I pushed once more and at 12:44 PM on April 4th, after just shy of 24 hours of labor, she was out.  It was so amazing to hear "It's a girl!"  They put her on my chest and almost immediately they took her away, and I knew something wasn't right.  They took her over to the bassinet and started cleaning her up and working on her.  They paged for more nurses, and finally a neonatologist.  The whole time, I just wanted to see my baby and know she was ok.  It was so scary and all I could do was lie there and cry while the doctor finished up working on me.  

The neonatologist came over to explain what was wrong.  Her heart rate was very high and she was breathing very fast, so they needed to take her down to the NICU to check her out.  It was possibly just from the stress of birth, but they were concerned with infection since my water had been broken close to 24 hours.  I got to hold her for a few minutes, and introduce her to my family, but then they took her away again.  Mark went down to the NICU with her and took pictures while they weighed and measured her.  I knew she was ok and her daddy was with her, but I was so upset that I couldn't be with my baby.  

Almost everything that I had wanted for our birth didn't happen, and all the things that I didn't want to happen did, but in the end, I wouldn't change it one bit.  We ended up with a beautiful baby girl, and I love her more than I ever imagined was possible.  I never knew I could love my husband more than I did before Lilly, but every day I fall even more in love with him as I see him fall in love with our daughter.  I am so very blessed.